Umm Sulaym narrated the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said; “Women are men’s counterparts.” (Ahmad and others)
Do you often become extremely frustrated with your spouse – and wonder why? Does it feel like you’re speaking two different languages? Well, that’s because you are. Men and women have different ways of communicating. It is important to learn these different styles and the unique ways people express love.
Here’s a guide to the five languages of love and the different ways men and women generally convey their emotions.
Language 1: Verbal
There are always two options when it comes to verbal expression.
For men, option one: “I enjoyed that delicious chicken you made for me two days ago.”
Option two: “Why can’t you make chicken for me?”
For women, option one: “It’s been a while since we went out together.”
Option two: “You never spend any time with me.”
Option one and two are attempting to get the same point across but in drastically different ways. Option one is more respectful and positive, thus it is the better way of communicating your point.
Saying ‘I love you’ and truly meaning it also goes a long way as well as remembering to compliment your spouse on his or her attractive qualities.
Language 2: Time
Men and women see time as two different things. When a woman’s husband does not spend time with her, she may feel neglected. She may feel he does not care about her or love her. She is not hearing the language of love, which is time. For example, men might interpret quality time as spending all day, every day with their spouse, while women see it differently: what they want is quality time.
Quality time doesn’t have to be every minute of the day, but a couple should try to incorporate it into their daily routine.
Language 3: Giving Gifts
In this language of love, it is truly the thought that counts, not the extravagance or cost of the gift. When one spouse gives, the one receiving feels loved because they know they were being thought of. According to marital studies, women like gifts more frequently; it makes them feel special while men prefer a bigger gift even if that means they receive them less frequently. Women like quantity and men prefer quality.
Language 4: Helping one another
In many households, women are the caretakers of the home while men are the providers. Assisting your wife by washing the dishes, taking out the trash, vacuuming and other household tasks will make her feel loved.
Meanwhile, it is beneficial to a marriage for women to remember her husband’s contribution to the family balance – providing financially, especially. Acknowledging this contribution can make them feel loved.
Language 5: Physical
The way a husband and wife connect is through physical touch. Cuddling, hugging and kissing on the cheek are all forms of physical touch that show your spouse you love them. According to many studies, women especially need this type of physical contact throughout the day where men may just need intimacy.
In conclusion, most women show their love to their spouse in a nurturing way by cooking, cleaning and taking care of household needs. According to surveys given to women the number one language of love that women would like from their husband is quality time. If she receives attention, she feels appreciated. According to surveys given to men the number one language of love for men is physical intimacy. Women need to see physical intimacy as an important language of love for men.
Men and women speak different languages of love, but once both understand the way the other communicates, they can learn how to respond and reciprocate.
About the Author
Hello, my name is Maria Qureshi Mir. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT#51904) with an MA in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University, a BA in Psychology and a BA in Women’s Studies from the University of California, Riverside. With over nine years of professional experience in the field I am now providing confidential online Skype and phone mental health services for individuals, couples, children and families. In today’s world, mental health services are needed more than ever. Unfortunately, seeking out therapy is considered taboo amongst society and I want to change that way of thinking. Throughout my career, I have helped many individuals, couples, children and families of all ages, backgrounds and circumstances overcome their struggles. People often do not seek therapy for fear of their personal issues being discovered by others. This is why I put an emphasis on the guarantee of confidentiality for each and every one of my clients.Please contact me via phone or email to schedule a Skype or phone appointment today!