by Jameela Ho of Ilma Educates
Many parents think that being tough on their children (Authoritative Parenting) will lead to better children. Tough love works in some situations but not on a daily basis. Instead, parents can have a more positive interaction with their children by being gentler.
There are many ways that you can interact positively with your child. You can be kind, patient, affectionate and lenient. (Read more about these here). These are qualities that every Muslim parent should have.
Positive parenting has many benefits. Below are three benefits of you interacting positively with your child.
1. You Build a Better Relationship
When you are kind, patient, affectionate and lenient with your child you connect with your child better. You develop a close relationship as your child will trust you more and love you better. In return, you’ll have an open two-way communication with your child as she’ll feel safe to express herself. She’ll trust that you won’t put her down for feeling the way she does or saying what she feels. Any relationship that’s built on positive communications is far better off than one built on negative communications.
It is narrated that Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “we were praying ‘Isha` prayer with the Messenger of Allah -prayer and peace of Allah be upon him- when he prostrated Al-Hassan and Al-Hussain would jump on his back, when he rises with his head he picks them gently from the back and places them (on the floor) kindly, so when he returns (to prostration) they return to what they do, and when he ended his prayer he would put them on his thighs.” [Declared good by Al-Albani 3325 Al-Silsila Al-Sahiha]
2. Your Child will Respond in Kind
Children respond better to positivity than negativity. As the saying goes, you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar! In other words, you can get what you want by being kind and not mean. This works well in all aspects of life and certainly does so with children.
Omar Ibn Aby Salamah: “I was a little boy sitting on the Prophet’s -prayer and peace of Allah be upon him- lap and my hand is all over the plate, then the Messenger of Allah -prayers and peace of Allah be upon him- said to me: “O boy, say ‘Bismillah’ (In the name of Allah), eat with your right hand and eat from what’s in front of you.” [Agreed upon]
Since you are modelling positive behaviours, your child learns to behave in positive ways as well. So if you want your child to respond to you with kindness, patience and affection then you need to be these things. In contrast, if you want to be mean then watch how he learns to be mean himself.
Ya’la Ibn Mura says: “I went out with the Prophet -prayers and peace of Allah be upon him- for a food invitation. Al-Hussain son Ali was playing in the street, whereupon the Prophet hurried in front of the people towards him to catch him while Al-Hussain running right and left to escape. Moreover, he used to take Osama Ibn Zaid and Al-Hassan Ibn Ali and place them on his thighs then he would tightly hug them and say: “O Allah have mercy on the as I have mercy on them.” [Reported by Al-Bukhari 6003]
3. Your Home is More Peaceful and Loving
Who wouldn’t want a peaceful and loving household? Your home should be a place of comfort for each family member. Not just physical comfort but emotional, mental and spiritual as well. A yelling and punitive household would not be conducive to this but, you guess it – being kind, patient, affectionate and lenient would.
If you want to find out more about how you can change the way you interact with your child to a more positive one then click the link and read about the 5 Qualities of a Muslim Parent.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa salam) made his final sermon during Hajj in 632 C.E., on the ninth of Dhul Hijjah, the 12th month of the lunar year, on Arafat, the most blessed day of the year.
After praising, and thanking Allah sub hana wa ta’ala, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa salam) said:
“O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore, listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today.
O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your Lord, and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (interest), therefore all interest obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital, however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer any inequity. God has Judged that there shall be no interest, and that all the interest due to Al-Abbas ibn Abd’el Muttalib shall henceforth be waived…
Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.
O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under a trust from God and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.
O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God, perform your five daily prayers, fast during the month of Ramadan, and offer Zakat. Perform Hajj if you have the means.
All mankind is from Adam and Eve. An Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab; a white has no superiority over a black, nor does a black have any superiority over a white; [none have superiority over another] except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.
Remember, one day you will appear before God and answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.
O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me, and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O people, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example, the Sunnah, and if you follow these you will never go astray.
All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and it may be that the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people.”
About the Author
Jameela Ho is a teacher who runs her own education center where she gives young children the benefit of an early education. She also guides parents on how to parent and educate their child. You can find lots of useful articles and lessons on her blog www.ilmaeducation.com to parent your educated child. She can be found online also at jameelaho.com, her teaching site.